I have been reviewing films for around seven months now. I look forward to Thursdays, to press shows in general. But an unexplainable phenomenon took place today, during the screening of Ballary's latest effort Hum Tum Shabana. Critics, so far, have never walked out before a film screening has ended (And we're talking Salman and Fardeen films).
Hum Tum Shabana is possibly the worst 'comedy' of 2011. And 2010. If you thought the trailers looked tacky and sub-par even by Bazmee standards, think again. And yes, I am aware of the fact that there have been films like Ready, Double Dhamaal and Thank You in the same year. There have also been unintentional gems like A Strange Love Story and Khap, but atleast they were entertaining. They made us laugh at their mediocrity.
This film does none of that. Sagar Ballary is probably the only filmmaker in Bollywood that can make comedy look boring. His career graph indicates a steady decline that is more consistent that the inevitable decline of his actress muse (and her noseline) - someone who used to resemble the once-decent Minissha Lamba. What's more? With every film, Ballary's technical prowess seems to reach new levels of mediocrity. He makes the beaches of Goa look uninviting. He makes the hotel rooms look... unfriendly? He makes reviewers lose the will to live, and so on, and so forth...
All of his lead characters suffer from all kinds of verbal diarrhea, and for the first time this year, I could swear heard a collective sigh of relief once the film was over. In fact, when the screen went blank around 10 minutes before the film actually ended (technical error, if you may), a lot of us were almost out of the hall. But alas...what a cruel joke... one could almost imagine the projectionist pulling out his hair amidst peals of low-pitched laughter after being subjected to repeated screenings of this film.
Now enough of cynicism and bitching. It is out of the system. Let me give you 10 good reasons why you SHOULD watch this medley of brainless medicine:
- You want to make doubly sure that Tusshar, Shreyas, Minnisha and Ballary are part of one gigantic production. Your eyes may have failed you during the trailers. Not.
- You have always been curious about what sadomasochism means, and have been too shy or ashamed to google it. No need. Here is your chance to find out. In just 2.5 hours.
- You have an unnatural tendency to harm yourself during a festive season.
- You are a student filmmaker who wants to know how your films would look ten years from now if you spent those ten years in a cave with a wet matchstick.
- You are CONVINCED that comedy catering to the lowest possible common denominator will ALWAYS make good money at the BO. Time to be proven wrong.
- You hate spending 2.5 hours with your loved ones on a Friday evening. Or with anyone resembling a human. Or an animal.
- You believe that there is a hidden meaning to Sagar Ballary ventures, which can be cathartic once discovered, and could unlock the door to many spiritual adventures. They're also known as nightmares, but never mind.
- You are an integral, mind you, INTEGRAL part of the cast or crew of this venture. You also get turned on by cryptic writing like "I am a Punju don from Punjab", "Dr. Wong, you are wrong!", "Rishi toh Kapoor hote hain" and the sight of Minissha Lamba walking down the ramp next to Pia Trivedi. On stilts.
- Hina Rabbani Khar promises to follow you on Twitter if you show her that India, too, has bad days. Like the release of certain films.
- You are a film critic. It is your job. Apart from being blessed with an unnatural tendency to protect a regular film-going audience (and your dear friends) from irreparable harm, you were also a goat in your previous life. In Afghanistan.
All said and done, even Shreyas Talpade continues to flounder with his amazingly inept choice of scripts. Satish Kaushik relives his Karzzzzz days. Madhur Bhandarkar pulls a fast one over good friend Ballary. Finally, Vinay Pathak and Sagar Ballary have come a full circle after their Bheja Fry days with releases on the same weekend and it is extremely tough to choose between the two. It's going right down to the wire.
- Reel Reptile