The name of the circus is Bollywood. And tonight, here are your performers - with a bit of trivia on each of them:
The (Super) Stars: Akshay Kumar, Rishi Kapoor, Randhir Kapoor, Mithunda and... Johnny Lever.
Level 2: John Abraham, Riteish Deshmukh, Shreyas Talpade, Asin and Boman Irani.
Level 3: Crocodile and Python.
Level 4: Zarine Khan, Shazahn Padamsee, Jacqueline Fernandez and Malaika Arora Khan.
Level 5: Chunky Pandey.
Level 6: The Director.
Now, do you know that Akshay Kumar and John Abraham do not get along with Salman Khan? But Zarine Khan debuted with Salman Khan in Veer, and Shazahn Padamsee debuted with Rishi Kapoor's son Ranbir Kapoor in Rocket Singh - Salesman of the Year. Also John Abraham is good friends with Anurag Kashyap who infamously fell out with Ram Gopal Varma a decade ago, who, in turn, is great friends with Riteish's father Vilas Rao Deshmukh. Randhir Kapoor's daughter Kareena Kapoor thinks that John Abraham cannot act, and Abraham's ex Bipasha Basu did not get along with Akshay Kumar on the shoot of Ajnabee. But John and Akshay have done many films together and are good friends. Recently, Akshay starred in an Anees Bazmee film called Thank You which had Bobby Deol. Bobby Deol has starred with Bipasha, John's ex, twice, who, in turn, has starred with Salman Khan in Baabul who, in turn, has starred in Anees Bazmee's super-hit Ready. Asin, too, starred in Ready with Salman Khan who is the brother in law of Malaika Arora Khan, and a very good friend of Boman Irani. Asin made her Hindi debut with Aamir Khan, who has NEVER acted with Akshay Kumar or John Abraham. But he has acted with Kareena Kapoor as well as Karisma Kapoor, older daughter of Randhir Kapoor and she has acted with Akshay Kumar in the 90s, who himself has acted with Amitabh Bachchan, Karisma's almost-father-in-law at one time. Mithunda has shared the screen with Salman in Lucky, No Time for Love, and Sajid, the director of this film has a sister named Farah who was NOT on good terms until recently with Shah Rukh Khan, and Shah Rukh's great friend Chunky Pandey (wife Bhavna is best friends with SRK's wife Gauri), is the joker in this pack. Shreyas Talpade, meanwhile, has acted in Farah's film Om Shanti Om, which starred Deepika Padukone, who is Rishi Kapoor's son Ranbir's ex girlfriend. The film's producer Sajid Nadiadwala has helmed two films which have had Salman and Akshay as enemies trying to win over the same woman. Jacqueline Fernandez, director Sajid's girlfriend, has kissed Emraan Hashmi in Murder 2, which means Sajid has Emraan on his lips... which means...
It goes on and on. Phew!
If all this doesn't make any sense to you, you will not care for this circus film that masquerades as a tribute to old-school Bollywood. A few giggles due to Akshay (who is a proven comedian), and the director's obsession with bad man Ranjeet could fool you into sitting through this incest-driven orgy of starpower.
If the information above DID interest you, then you belong to the 23.6% of people who will prefer this film over Titanic 3D and IPL 5 this weekend and, in general, you belong to 13.8% of India's entire population (numerically #epicfail, but the number is still high considering we are sold sex on screen in order to reproduce like rabbits and produce more babies who will grow up on this) that might go watch this film and make it a 'SUPER DUPER' hit, which will result in Sajid Khan casting Ranbir and Kareena opposite eachother in his next extravaganza.
After all, if Mithunda is made to run around a tree with a dwarf woman and look like he is going to'take her', it is only a matter of time before Amitabh Bachchan and Abhishek Bachchan resort to an item song with Aishwarya Rai Bachchan - just so that we find it ridiculous enough to smile at.
PS: I understand that there are different audiences for different genres of cinema here, but surely, you'd rather watch a 'comedy' directed by Dibakar Banerjee starring Irffan Khan, Aamir Khan, Ranbir Kapoor, Nawazuddin (Kahaani's Khan), Vidya Balan, Zakir Hussain, Naseeruddin Shah, Abhay Deol, Parineeti Chopra and Kalki with Hrithik Roshan as the Snake and Shah Rukh Khan as the crocodile. No?
- Rahul Desai aka Reel Reptile